life's a highway(:

2007-01-18T20:05:00.000+08:00

i'll be back when *sunshine does(:

2006-12-20T20:21:00.000+08:00

hee. sorry for the MIA-ness. aint really my fault.my internet decided to die on me on the very day i felt like blogging.
been going for camps after camps. super tiring but kinda fun. enough to distract my mind from *bs. i almost could have hated this holiday because of *bs. but the camps and people involved made everything seemed not that bad.

ANCO camp was expectedly torturous or maybe atleast for me. imagine running up and down flights of stairs here and there ,hiking at pulau ubin with us over-shooting almost every checkpoint while carrying 4 bottles of 1.5 coke bottles. to add to that, i disliked my group very muchits like my very first time not liking my camp grp. all my life, despite our difference or all the nonsense and bickering, at the end of the day,i'd love them alot. i so prefer my NCO grp very much.ahh. UNICORN! surprisingly only two out cant rmbr how many turn up for the ADVANCE course. how saaad! and i miss each and everyone very much.especially my dancing scandal(: heh. in MANTICORE, there wasnt any bond between us. if that is not enough, i had two lazy,think i'm the king of the world,irrritating, ERGH MORONS. wth la. expect things to be done, when they themselves nvr do anything. u think the rest of the people got magic or ur servants isit? sheesh. cook lunch also must squabble. in the end, i had to freakingly cook lunch for the two BABIES.babi. and there were much more to it but surprisingly i preferred the lectures more than anything else.
and then straight after that camp was over, i had to rush home, unpack and repack my stuffs for SPORTS CAPTAIN camp. i didnt even get to lie on my bed and rest can! do you knw hw miserable is that. i'd to suffer another round of backaches. first night had night walk. wasnt really that scary or atleast for the route and station i was in. i was with kelamommy the whole time. the reason being we were like totally uncared for. hmph. and aqeel! no matter wht u say, i'd still say i was uncared for. haha. tried making pple scared instead pple laughed. wth. wht a failure. haha.then gt caught climbing into the hall. the nxt day, bus-ed to east coast. had bowling. didnt play cause i cant rmbr why.then headed to the beach, played and swam and clung onto mummy like koala in the sea. walked frm macd all the back to school. sang in the rain. saw rainbow.legs died. finally reached sch. washed up. got caught agn for climbing out of sch. jsoh taught another way to sneak out. got bored. went star gazing. slept at volleyball court. nxt morning had waterbombs. some games then debrief.and another 'brief' meeting which turned out to be very long. some miscommunication arised. blah blah. cant rmbr what happened after that. but at the end of the camp, i realised i've got such sweet seniors(:

and i'm very sorry 3 VERSATILITY for not coming for the class chalet. i was really very tired that i just didnt have the energy to get out of my hse. sorry:/

and oh ya, just so you know, i'm doing just fine . i've learnt to move along pretty well. and i've got my sweetheart&silly crushes& the ten excos&friends&laopo who'd been there for me(:
<3

2006-11-30T18:28:00.000+08:00

what do u get when u put two decent looking guys and a girl together for a so called meeting? hah. a horny talk on everything and anything under the sun! was supposed to have a manticore meeting today at kfc but apparently due to the poor turn out, it was like a ten minute kinda thing. waste my time only. could have gone for sc meeting.sheesh. the two other grls left for some sch stuff. left me, jun hao and sir. had our brunch at kfc. and i saw my primary school friend! boy, i miss them very much. haha. and so we started to tell each other our so called secrets abt not liking this and that. hah. such sluts. suddenly jun hao mentioned abt having sex and what nots. and they went on and on and not once were they being descreet. they discussed abt some scientific terms. and about guys having breast milks and all. maybe it nvr occured to them that i was there. either that they must have been retarded enough to thnk that i was one of them. hah. dirteeey people! then fu chai came along. he's such a cute but noisy boy. hah. he and his sjab matters. i dont care abt anything la, honey. hurhur.

went off to library. read to them a bedtime story book. sheesh. what childish kids i got. dont wanto read adult fiction. but wanto read some childish kiddy stuff. heeh. we talked/gossiped/made fun/joked and all. haha. was fun and and i saw an eye candy there! woo. he's super cute and handsome and everything but sadly he has a gf or smtg. haha. i'm head over heels abt him luh. like real, sarah.heh. but they said i stood a chance cause they werent married. such mean guys. i aint a wrecker ok. and i'm not as heartless asyou people. and the whole time they regarded me as a guy. wth. go have ur eyes checked la! but thanks jun hao for lending me ur card to help me borrow books. i'll TRY to return them on time. hehe.

we got bored of the library so went of to sun plaza park in hope to catch the basic nco course people doing their banner and stuff. buut sadly they left alr. and all was left were some mats dancing or smtg. so kuku can.hee. sir then asked us to follow a map which was actually some activity game on a pamphlet. no life! hurhur. and some oldies were jenging there. no shame! screamed at them to get a room. hehe. they were uber pai seh then dont dare look at us.lalala. hanged ard at the fitness area. sir and fu chai were being very barbaric and all. got bored. left for home.

and my, i feel like chopping off my nose. its super itchy and i've been sneezing since yst. not only that, its super painful.but its a sign that i'm going to fall sick soon. please please let me fall sick nxt week so i dont have to attend the camp. heh. but i still wanto attend sc camp though. i dont wanto suffer and die early in anco camp.lets pray that they'd be much much much nicer to us(:

and guess what. i wont bother alr. and it doesnt matter to me if u wish to remain adament abt this whole thing. cause only u urself know the truth. like what u said, u'll get back what u deserve.

2006-11-28T18:04:00.000+08:00

hoho! here's a NON-EMO post just for suhaila!

i had enjoyed my time during the sc meeting. really. so much for me worrying that i might be late.we were suppose to meet at starbucks at 9.00. and aqeel was the first to arrive though he did not get any msg until i asked him .and only three sec 3 exco turned up. me, aqeel and ikhwan. thought was going to be wierd and stuff. but. nah. enjoyed myself prety much.
went off and started to plan for the sc camp only like an hr later.but i'm glad that they kinda pushed forward the date. atleast i could turn up.but its gonna tiring for me though.two camps in a week. killer sia. and to add to that, advance nco camp aint a leisure camp. so yea, i'm really gonna suffer, die, and whatnots. heh.by the look of the discussion, the camp will definitely be uber fun and to those who cant make it, its gonna be a big big lost on their side. finally, i've got smtg i can really look forward to. (:
had ice cream smtg smtg i cant rmbr with su at gelare i thnk. haha. was super unglam there. treated the place like my hse like that.hee. i thnk the people there are not going to allow me to sit inside anymore. hurhur. btw,thanks alot for everything. frm the ice creams to the pep talks to me cursing people and everything else.hee.

on a cheery note to end,
I LOVE TEMASEK SPORTS CAPTAINs MANY MANY(:

2006-11-24T19:47:00.000+08:00

A part of me wants to leave you alone.
A part of me wants you to come back.
A part of me says to think it through.
A part of me says I'm over with you.
A part of me wants to say goodbye
A part of me wants to keep you in my heart.
A part of me wants me to forget everything abt you.
A part of me is asking why.

hah. did i ever mention that aqeel, ikhwan and sin lek are nice bunch of people to hang ard with when you're depressed? yup. thanks for everything that day over lunch. hee. thanks for the pep talks. wake up talks. the lame lame jokes. and everything else. thanks for lending me and steffi ur ears. haha. sorry for repeating the whole story over and over again. heh.(:

2006-11-23T23:28:00.000+08:00

i really hate evrything that is going on recently. every single thing. and i really want to move on with my life. and will you stop trying to bring me down. its very tiring. really it is. it seems like each time when i pick myself up, there's always someone out there who wants to bring me down. if u'd got a problem with me, something that aint immatured, u can always tell me face off. there's really no need for all these pretences. i'm really tired. really i am. i wanto move on. i'm sick of pple trying to bring me down. if u aint happy, we'll settle it amicably ok? i really dont wanto get all nasty and dirty. i hate being nasty. its such a burden for me to be hating and revengeful. sigh. sometimes i really feel like giving up on everything alr. but i want to be strong. aint gonna fall, i hope. for once, let me have my way. really. once. thats all i need.

can someone please tell me i'm ok?

2006-11-22T04:47:00.000+08:00

i swear i've never been so vulgar in my entire life before but this alien just had to provoke me. and not once did i feel intimidated nor insulted by his attempt to insult my dignity.in fact i was really very amazed and amused by his attempt. i've nvr met anyone so indecent with no morality at all. words dont and will never make me fall. they are ntg to me. haha. that guy dont even knw me. neither do i even know him. and still, he expects me to listen to his rubbish shyt nonsense. and i managed to find out the source. and seriously he and that friend of his should get a life.and i really pity them cause they've got such a shallow mentality. i dont suppose they are some primary sch kid. they are worst than slenger retarded guys. so yea. they shud be ard my age. which would mean that its really a shame for a 15 year old guy who is still immatured. sheesh. i bet he's still nursing his bruised ego. hah. serve you right! told u not to provoke me. still so stubborn. nxt time dont try to be a fcukface slut when u dont even have what it takes. u should really brush up on ur language and vocabulary skills. they are really very pathetic and retarded. and u, urself is desperate too , my dear. going to the extent of editing pic. u thnk u could threaten and scare me with that? if u wanto play nasty with me, i'm all gamed to play nasty too.heh. pick someone of ur own league la! prolly someone of lower morality than u. but thanks anyway for the entertainments. i was really amused. but try harder next time if u dare!
and if wanto seek entertainment for urself, u can add this guy up. mat_prankerz@hotmail
satisfaction guaranteed when u hit the nail. hee.

2006-11-20T18:47:00.000+08:00

the trip to malaysia brought me many memories. there was so many memories of you that makes me yearn to be given another chance to re write the past. strangely i dont seem to be able to recall the bitter moments.

my heart still screams for you.

2006-11-17T18:51:00.000+08:00

oh great.

now i think i've made him hate me even more. haha.
i'm sorry for all the nonsense that night.
SORRY :X

i thought u felt it too when there was me and you.

2006-11-16T18:15:00.000+08:00

THANKS kelaMUMMY&valNEKNEK for the belated present. hee. i love them alot. very pretty(:

went to watch movie with mummy and marie at princess.haha. our very first time going there. and mummy was telling us that someone told her that we might get aids sitting on the chairs there because of the needles the placed there.good thing there wasnt any there.but the place is really ulu but aint that bad. wanted to watch the grudge 2 since there werent any interesting shows to watch. bought our tickets and went to macd to grab a bite.mummy bought me (: meal cause i wanted the toy.

and the best thing was that no one checked the ticket to see if it was correct.only when we wanted to get in the cinema we realised that we werent watching the grudge but instead some alien colin show. sheesh. the bfabnfnisuj@@!! auntie can go and have her eyes checked la. we were cheated of our money.the show was quite gross and not really scary but it was fun sitting between them, so unglamly seated with spilled coke and all. and i think the auntie who sold us the tickets have something against us that she made us watch the silly scary show. so whoever is planning to want to watch the show, please think again.there's no storyline at all and i didnt understand a thing except that it was filled with a baby incessant wailing throughout. by the way it was a nc16 show. haha. no wonder it was gruesome.(:

and i hated the heartbreak

2006-11-15T14:40:00.000+08:00

wee. i've got ginger snap. and now i want angel cake! so cute can. and and i helped an auntie to buy happy meal(:
hah. so random.

ohs. thanks alot for the bitchy smses.

and i promised myself never to look back again.

2006-11-14T12:15:00.000+08:00

i am tired of all this. i really am. i'm sick of getting my hopes high and in the end, they seem to crash like pieces of shattered glasses. and its not that i wanto to be remembered of all this, and its not that i dont want to forget. who said i wanted to in the first place? its very painful and unbearable that i rather get physical pain than to haveto suffer the emotional rollercoaster. and to think that i used to be so strong, i've let down myself. i've lost it all.

2006-11-13T18:42:00.000+08:00

RAYA *o6 part two.

the moronic slut and the LOANSHARK(:

First stop, sophian's home

and they started the journey ogling at porn pictures

mr traffic light.

here's a close up

and so, they were very engrossed

the wait

presenting the APE RAPIST(:

oh wow.

and they were still not done yet

zebras

put out your left hand,and look right

monster mummy.hee.

the guys

the ladies

the pigs in action(:

cat-cat shy.sheesh

pool-ing

hee.smiles.

i love mummy alot. orange smileys

and off we went home.

END(:

2006-11-13T15:20:00.000+08:00

tralalalas. finally i'm done with the re exams. i hope i dont need to drop any subs. but actually, i dont mind dropping chem, but somehw, it always happen to be my highest amg my sciences. oh wells. but the re exams was quite ok. finally, no distractions. good thing that its in class and there's no him(:

hah. a great love they say. its when you shed rivers and oceans of tears for him.its when he ignores you and you still keep in touch with him.its when he begins to love another and yet you still smile and say "i'm happy for you." - anonymous.

sheesh. its more like a silly one. and you knw why is that so? cause i feel silly for being it that way. and still am. so yea. i'm a silly girl for not wanting to get out of it. and please dont tell me that i should move on. i do appreciate your concerns. but do u really thnk its easy for me? have u been in the exact same situation as i am? the same characters played, the same storyline? if u dont, you would nvr knw how it feels to be me. so how do u even know how exactly i feel? and do you even realise that hw much he meant to me? but then again, i've realised that no matter how hard i try, i wont be able to achieve what i want. cause things happen when you least expect them to. so maybe, if i dont try so hard, miracles do happen. i'll wish upon every star for that. hee. and and. in case u nvr knew, the worst way to be missing someone is to be sitting right beside that someone, knwing that u cant have them. that was hw exactly i felt that day. and it is really super ergh. but i enjoyed every single of moment that day. the little talks, the paparazzi, and everything that comes with it that day. hah. i love raya *o6(: if only aqilah was there too. sigh. i miss her many many. bestfriend!! where are you?saya rindu awak banyak banyak. hehe.

shall upload some of the raya *o6 picture later. till then,

love,
sarah the SILLY girl.

2006-11-11T20:06:00.000+08:00

If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this

2006-11-07T00:16:00.000+08:00

the raya outing was woah. according to some reliable sources, 24 people from both mt class came down. it was super fun and chaotic of course if you minus the heat, sweat, hills, long walks and the list goes on. but at the end of the day, i'm very much sure that every single one who turned up today had fun as much as i did.
learnt a few lessons along the way.
LESSON NUMBER ONE. NEVER ever eat beside HYDER if you want to have a peaceful ambience to savour you food. not only will he distrupt that oh-so wonderful appetite, you'll have to deal with his cutleries dilema. heh.
LESSON NUMBER TWO. at all cost, ALWAYS avoid walking near the guys. you'll never know when you'll be victims of their CHILDISH AND IMMATURE pranks.

LESSON NUMBER THREE. AVOID wearing heels no matter how low it may seem. cause at the end of the day, your leg will suffer unless u know of a kind soul who shares the same shoe size.

LESSON NUMBER FOUR. NEVER NEVER trust RIDHWAN, SYAFIQ AND HYDER. you'll never know when they will come up and rape you(:

the rest, lets just leave to the pictures to tell

on our way.

woo.

bee line to the stop

the crowd

our journey begins

part of them

and another

their UNGLAM game.

NEVER GET NEAR THEM

and him. why?

i got raped.(:

2006-11-02T20:49:00.000+08:00

good morning world!

went out with my dearest neknek. and i seriously dont knw whats with the world and them forever being late. guess how long i had to wait for her? 9723507902o seconds. approximately one hour.sheesh. and not only that, i think she has no manners. the first thing when she reached tampines was to scold me. and she MADE me find her for 15 min. she thnk we were at some fun fair. haha. lunch'd at ljs. walk ard tm. fooled ard. went to bedok and 'LELONG' each other. hees. thanks neknek.

sigh. everytime when i'm reaching the peak, there's smtg abt you which always make/FORCE me to hold back. and i think, i will never be able to accept any truth if i were to knw abt him and her. its just so hard to accept everything. the letters, the promises. its just too much for me. either that. atleast, please let me always be ur star.as much as i want to be there for you, i wish you could always be there for me. look how much i've lowered my pride and ego to be willing to do anything for you.i've never done this to anyone. will you please stop ignoring me? i hate to see you go. i really do. please dont go back on your words. you said i'll always be your sarah no matter what happen forever. ):

2006-11-01T17:04:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

2006-10-31T20:01:00.000+08:00

YAY. I am loved.whoo.i am really grateful and thankful for all those hugs, wishes, presents, handshakes,testimonials and everything else. in case i've forgotten to thank you guys, here's A BIG THANK YOU to those who actually remembered my birthday and wished me.hee. really really touched by everyone who bothered to take the effort to make my day a meaningful one. i've never expected so many people to actually wish me. so much so that i cant list down all those who actually wished me.really sorry. intended to list out every single one but i cant thanks to my super horrible memory.but i'm really really touched. thanks. now i realise having to spend my birthday in school isnt a bad thing afterall.BIG BIG thank you once againand thanks for letting me feel LOVED!((:

there's still 4 more hours. will you remember my day?sigh.

2006-10-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to take more than give in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

the last line is so true.haha. but yea. i'm picking myself up. i WILL move on just like them.i've got my friends and especially laogong to ride this highway of life. (:

some quick updates

i'm PROMOTED and not advanced as i thought.wee. i'm so grateful to the teachers who helped me.i will work hard frm this tym round and then, there wont be a need for moderations to make my results look good.promise!

i'm a happy girl.

lalalalalas

2006-10-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

It was just one of those days when you can walk around fooling everyone into thinking you're happy and look back and notice that every time you smile or laugh there is a little pang of hurt in your heart because you know you are lying to the people who mean the most to you.

2006-10-24T02:01:00.000+08:00

sorry. been ignoring my bloggie for awhile. i suppose i was just too depressed to pen down my thoughts.but its ok. i'm kinda fine now. no worries. (:

sigh.tonight is like raya night and i still dont feel the vibe of the celebration. maybe there's something wrong with me.haha. but i've been helping my dad alot. definitely a lot more than my lazy pig bro who does nothing but play his x box, watch tv, play some online stuff and nothing more. some kinda guy i got. if it werent for my dad, i wouldnt have bothered to lift my finger and help him. helped put up the curtain, change the bed spreads, clean windows,vaccuumed the whole house, wiped here and there. haha. wow. i can work as a housekeeper alr. and its not an easy task ok. unlike previously years, i wasnt bothered to find new clothes for raya. i'm like so lazy to go geylang. the mats,the stuffiness, the heat. woo. unbearable. i rather stay at home and just settle with one new set of clothes. in anyway, finding my size is like try to find some rare species of animal like that. haha. i'm serious. ask my mum.

anyway, i'm kinda glad that i'll ADVANCE to sec 4 along with the many other fellow sec three's. but at the same time i'm beginning to dread the possibilities that might happen once i let my mum know. haha. thanks ar. i know i very nice girl. till now, still havent tell them. hehe.

i really dont know what else to make him see how much he means to me. but oh wells. it takes two to clap. now, i dont expect a miracle. neither do i expect him to rewind the past. but atleast, have the heart to stop all this. dont really know what else is going on. i wanto forget him but i cant forget him. and for the millionth time, dont ask me why cause i seriously dont have the answer. why is it so hard to forget the past along with him? do you know how much it pains me seeing and hearing things abt him?not only that, it aches me reminscing abt the past. why is it so hard to for me to accept the truth? why cant he treat me like how he treats the rest? as much as it feels awkward for you, it is ten times more awkward for me. i've never ignored someone who used to be so close to me. why is he making things more difficult for me?

If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go):

2006-10-21T03:42:00.000+08:00

one disappoinment after another. thats what been going on lately.

twice in a row, i cried like some baby. thans to those who were with me to comfort me. thanks for the shoulder, the tissues, the hugs, the pep talks, the paper clips, the care and concern and the list rants on.sheesh. i really cant bottle them up anymore. i've had enough alr. i may seem to complaining and ranting to them, but actually, there's more that are left unspoken. i really really dont know what is happening to us. one moment i see some ray of hope and the next, its bleak. my results are digusting except for mt. i'm disappointed cause i studied for them but still got back some ergh results.maybe i havent been studying hard enough. i've always been distracted by that issue. i am scared because i dont want to disappoint my parents. thats the last thing i would ever want to do. i love them to the power of infinites and thinking and pondering over issues and the possibility of disappointing them makes me feel so miserable.by disappointing them, i'm disappointing myself much more. i'm very pissed with myself. why cant things go the way i want them to be. why must my happiness be shortlifted? why cant i have my dearest with me? why cant i choose the path i want to lead? why cant i be happy like how i used to be? why cant i have them all now? why must i lose one in order to gain one? why do i miss that person of all people? why cant i forget that person? why cant i get along with that person now? why cant i start afresh with that person? why cant i not have him occupying my mind 24/7? why cant he go away ? why do i still love that person even after now? why is it easy to forget them but not that person? does that person even realise this?

i dont wanto be strangers with you. why cant i move on like how everyone moves on?

2006-10-17T17:02:00.000+08:00

i havent had so much fun in months. sheesh. i SO love SEC ONE POST EXAMS. AND i have fallen in love with sentosa's beach. its like so nice can. haha. due to my stm, i'll just summarise whatever that comes to mind.

the first day, was supposed to go ecp and go cycling. due to the bad haze, we had to change the plan and went to marina instead. pool-ed there.didnt know how to play pool inm the first place then thanks to ikhwan, steffi,joseph,and a few random guys, i managed to master the basics. hehe. at first the game was quite boring then be being me,not wanting to get bored and restless, went around disturbing the sec one's games. i practically just barge in their game and played. sorry sec ones =x cheated in almost all the games i played but was fun.there was so much laughter going on and for an instance, at that time, my mind was just about pooling and teasing them, nothing else.hehe.then the day ended. had to stay in sch for some hml lesson. got back my results. nothing much.headed home and slept like a princess till it was time to break fast.

today, went sentosa.the siloso beach was uber clean and so serene compared to ecp. at first had to take care of mr iskandar's sand,water and starfish. so went to the water area and got ourselves wet and all.came up, played football with the sec one group. sheesh. so violent sia they. push here and there and not only that, they kicked me not once but thrice on my right leg. first kicked my toe, then kicked my shin and then my thigh. irvnadm. luckily no cuts or else every single one of them confirm plus chop wont have father's day alr.and running for the ball in the sand is uber tiring.after all that leg action, went to the trapeze area. from a far, it looked super fun and mr enemy as usual looked down on me and dared me to try the trapeze. of course, being a brave girl, i accepted the challenge. howver, as i climbed the ladders to reach the top, i had the sudden urge to break down. i swear i could just faint that instnt. but not wanting to lose my face since they were video taping as usual, i had no choice but to continue. the first part as in the gear preparation was super scary. the action was woo. WONDERFULLY SWOOSH. i managed to hook my leg on the bar above me. wee.
now, trapeze is my new love((:

then, my dear girlfirend FORCED/BEGGED/TRIED TO SEDUCE BUT FAILED me to go ecp to cycle. so walked from school to ecp and rented a bike. off we went cycling almost the entire east coast. before we knew it, our legs could carry us no more and i seriously felt like sleeping on the floor. returned the bikes. walked home super loserly slow. my legs were so wobbly after the ride. i think if some alien were to chase us or tried to kidnap us, they are going to have a fun fair with us.hehe. fell asleep in the bus. and here i am.

and i love how the wind blew against my face.

2006-10-14T07:09:00.000+08:00

i should have listened to them. i shouldnt have gone aroundwith my hopes. so now look what i've gotten myself into? some piece of fallen hduwefhwne shyt. but i know i am a strong girl. even my mum said that i was a strong girl who doesnt cry and was never afraid of anything. so yea. i shall be that strong brave girl whom i used to be. maybe i will no longer be nice to whoever who tries or fakes to be nice to me.afterall whats the use when i'm going to end up hurting myself? and i dont get cash incentives for getting hurt.haha.

a friend once asked me why am i so hostile and mean to guys now.
ps. in anyway, i am not proud/arrogant/action ok.i am naturally a shy girl so i just need time to adjust and be familiar with the presence of new people.((:
so, here.as promised, i'll tell you why.

guys, arent the same when they used to be young and naive.during the pri school and kindergarten days, they dont care if u're ugly or fat, neither do they care whether ur hot or unglam. they were willing to be ur 'stead' and to sit beside you in class. at that point, nothing actually matters to them other than as long as you're willing to acknowledge them some even went to the extent of 'fighting and 'quarelling' with their friends over you. just being able to let them be close to you satisfies them. and this point in time you can actually sense the gratitude and appreciation. but its sad isnt it, as we grow up, we tend to forget this tiny acts and take them for granted.maybe thats why they call it puppy love. young, innocent love.

then, when they get older, they dont even bother to take a second look at the typical average looking girl. all they care are those with attractive physical features. the eyes, the height,those assets and the list goes on.they try their very best to befriend them,woo them and date them. it seems so fake and insincere cause they have an ulterior motive to be your friend.they want to be your friend not for the sake of being your loyal, sincere friend but rather, they take it as a gateway to show off to their fellow friends. they can sweet-talk you and flatter you like no ones ever flattered you before.they make it seem that they're actually sincere but sadly they arent. came across many instances.

A.told me to give him some time. even promised to not let me go. but sadly got to know that he made a bet with his friend over some ****. and did he even have the decency to actually let me see the real picture? NEVER. all these while i was figuring out what did i actually do to make it so awkward and all. the problem didnt lie with me. but him. and to think that he meant the world to me. i'd feel so ergh. and to think that i used to believe that he wasnt so shallow like many guys i know. cheat my feelings only. but the very day i got to know the truth, i swear my whole perception of him at that instance, totally change/turned 720 degrees.

B. told me and promised me that he will be there when i needed him. was he even close to being there? NEVER. all this while, when i'm down and crestfallen, where was he? god knows where. probally busy gonjenging with his girl.

C. promised me the world. till now, what do i get? nothing.zero. zilch. kosong.

D. told me not to give up on him. yea right. bull shit. since when did i even say i was going to try ?

E. told the whole world that i meant the world to him. haa. joke of the century. he says that to almost every girl in his contact list. and to think he vehemently forced me to believe his words.

F . betrayed my trust. and destroyed the friendship. went around spreading stories to gullible people who readily believed his stories.no life, desperate for attention. sheesh.

G. took friendship for relationship. so much so that he became more like a stalker.being your friend doesnt mean i'm willing to be your girl.

H. used me to get back on his friend. ergh.

I. almost got me into trouble with my girls. he tried to be close with me so as just to win his ex, who happened to be my girl, by getting her jealous. dhafeunwlf.

and the list goes on. so yea. how am i exactly going to trust their words again? all those words were just empty. empty words. empty promises. they were never sincere in the first place. why do they stoop so low and shallow? why cant they be sincere like how they used to be when they were young and naive? why must they initiate a friendship which never actually existed in the first place? so why should i bother about them? why must i be mentally exhausted from thinking and bothering abt them ? i dont gain and neither do i lose anything from being hostile to them. atleast it puts my mind at peace. one less burden for me. i'm sorry :x

i seriously need to unwind. i'm gonna scream/ enjoy my day at EAST COAST with the sec ones. hopefully its gonna help my mind take a break and distract myself . shall heal my heart myself.

2006-10-13T13:14:00.000+08:00

i'm very proud of myself/my room. i took a smacking two hours to clear/clean/dust away the dust/re arranged ALL my books PLUS MY SIS ones. haha. now, it definitely look like any typical girlie girl's room.bettar than a pig sty- thats what my mom always refer my room as. hehe.it was alot of hardwork as you know,my room isnt always tidy.infact, it has never been sqeaky clean and tidy.the only times when i clean my room is like once in a blue moon when i feel like doing so.hence, my mom will always complain abt my room which looks likes a pig sty and that my brother's room is so much bettar. haha.

went out with my family later in the evening.search like the whole of geylang for our first day of hari raya clothes. haha. we're kinda slow considering the fact that after dont know how many weeks, now then start looking for clothes.anyway i saw some nice kebayas and kurungs.but given my petite size, either its too big or too small or the bottom is too short. so yea. searching for the right type and size of clothes for me is such a bother.thats partly why i dont really like going shopping for my clothes. i rather let my mum do all the work. hehe. i'm mean .i know. but i still appreciate and love her((:
wanted pink for the first day but after considering my brother's vehement dislike for pink and also my dad, we decided on ORANGE. yay. my favourite coulour. last year we wore lime green. my favourite colour too. mostly the first day of raya, the colours are usually my favourite colours. lalala. then came across this watch shop at tkc. saw the glam adidas watch i've been eye-ing on. showed it to my mum. guess what she said. later. BIRTHDAY((:

anyway if my parent dont come back asap, i'm so gonna die. they left the house when i was sleeping AND without leaving me any cash. and how am i gonna step out the house and meet the hml people and also get aqilah present? rob a bank ar?lol. nah. not worth the trouble.

i'm still waiting for your reply. or atleast an acknowledgement that u've read the letter.sigh.

2006-10-11T14:48:00.000+08:00

wee.one last paper to go((:

i love all the other exams except for physics and maybe chem.so disappointing can.but there's no use brooding over them. lets just pray that the results wont be that bad. i dont wanto fail miserably.i wanna get promoted. i wanna make my mummy and daddy proud. as long as they are satisfied and proud of the results, thats all it matters to me. and there will be a high chance that my life would be carefree at home once the hols start.wee. but i know i've put in my best.haha.

going out with the hml class on fri. somehow i'm kinda excited cause it been a long long time since we hang out.and last year was super fun.and not to forget,prolly aqilah will be coming sheesh.i miss her to the power of infinites.

i've wrote whatever i think needs to written.i've sincerely poured out everything into the letter. i aint expecting anything in return but i just wish it would put an end to the air of hostility between us. it just feels so weird to be cold to someone who used to be so close to me. its so not me. sigh. but no matter what the outcome is, whether or not you choose to read it or not,its up to you.i'll accept them with grace. afterall, i may be small, but i'm a strong girl.hurhur. and i know, no amount of apology can actually make up the pain i've caused. but i'm sorry =/

2006-10-06T23:09:00.000+08:00

lalalas.

chem was a gone-er. i dont understand why some people things its easy. haha. the only reason i can think of is alien. hehe. i almost wanted to cry doing the paper.its so hfsjhaojrj hard. left almost more than half of the paper blank i think. i hate mole concept. its disgustingly moley. so much for chem.lets pray that the rest are killers too. dont want our sch to make the headline of highest rate of suicide cases.hehe.

on a lighter note, i'm glad my lao po loves her pressie. spent 10 months thinking of something to give to her. she aint any friend of mine ok. she's my wife/my husband/my bestie/my sis/ my everything. so its only right i give someting meaningful i suppose. *ps. i still got the big big box of hearts and the cute baby bottle with tiny hearts in them that u gave me last year.hehe. the sweetest present i ever got from anyone((:

somehow, the sight of him makes me wanna forget the world.so corny. haha. don worry ok. i wont be as emo-ey. only after reading some captions in my handbook, i realised how emo i was. so loser can. yups. the past is past. not worth brooding over them. i shall accept them with stride. but deep down, i hope that our paths will cross again. thanks ar. now thanks to you, i'm locked out. its gonna take alot to move me this time. and only you can.

i'm glad that some of my prayers are answered. when you succeed, i'll be very proud of you. study hard. dont let your parents down.(:

much love,
sarah

2006-10-02T18:26:00.000+08:00

`why is it that when we realise we really love someone , we end up losing them?

why is it that it seems that they want to hurt us more intentionally than they really do?

why is it that when we are with that special someone,we break up over the silliest/minor thing?

and why is that only at that moment, then we realise how much they really mean to us?

why is it that when we want to get back together, it seems like suddenly

they give more than million reasons why they cant?

why do people we think are perfect for us always seem to slip away easily?

why are they always the hardest to keep?

and yet, when we lose them, we think that we cant live without them?

why then, just when we finally got over them,and about to move on, we hear their voices again and fall for them all over again?

2006-10-01T17:40:00.000+08:00

i am a strong girl((;

2006-10-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad
causeI was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be

2006-09-29T21:08:00.000+08:00

yay.

i am a happy girl((;
if only this feeling would last forever. how wonderfully blissful my life would be. chatted with momo for a while. told him a super long mean but touching story. i am a mean mean person.sheesh. but oh wells. the convers. was enough to make my day. yups. it may mean ntg to anyone even him, but it means alot to me. haha. suddenly, i seem to have gotten a grip of myself bettar and more optimistic. see how happy you made me?

i hate going to inter on friday afternoon especially after the guys finish their friday prayers. they were being a pain in the neck. the whole gang crowded around near the entry of the stand and refused to let me pass through. some peole are just shameless enough and think that the bus stand was their house or smtg. sheesh. but finally after 8347104780 years, they gave in((;

love.

2006-09-25T16:39:00.000+08:00

this time what I want is you

there is no one else who can take your place

this time you burn me with your eyes

you see past all the lies

you take it all away

I've seen it all it was never enough

it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away

I've got nothing left to say

just take me away

I try to make my way to you but still I feel so lost

I don't know what else I can do cause I've seen it all

it was never enough

it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away

I've got nothing left to say

just take me away

don't give up on me yet

don't forget who I am

I know I'm not there yet but don't let me stay here alone

I've seen it all and it's never enough

it keeps leaving me needing you

I've seen enough and it's never enough

it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away take me away

I've got nothing left to say

just take me away

take me away

2006-09-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

woo.

i'm sorry if my posts contradicts each other. haha. i dont know what wrong with me or maybe its not me,its my brain. in case you didnt know, i think with my heart.i make decisions using my heart. i dont use my brain to think. so yea. maybe my dear pillar is right. because we're always being the nice ones, always bothering abt how people feel and all,in the end, we always end up hurting ourselves. there's so much compassion in me that sometimes, i hate it. i hate having to consider abt their feelings but it all comes back to square one where nobody really bother to care and find out how i feel. whatever decisions i've made, was never for myself. haha. or atleast it has rarely been for me. its always for them. i'm really really very tired of everything that has been going around lately. those childish accusations and hatred.those immature decisions. the unrequited love. and the lists goes on.i hope they'll realise what they've been doing before its too late. it would be a total waste of their life when things get outta hand. i dont want them to regret later in life.i wish everything would come to a stop now. dont wanna carry on like this.):

on a lighter note,

eng paper one was ok but it was kinda screwd up. more like i screwd up the whole thing. number one, i wrote a totally wrong format. number two, i didnt bother to check. number three, i wrote anyhow. so all the best for me. please pray for me that i will ATLEAST past. haha.

and note to that* a friend in marie's taggy. please please mind your own business. dont create trouble.thanks(:

till then,
let me heal my heart

2006-09-22T14:57:00.000+08:00

i'm about to give up EVERYTHING.

2006-09-20T16:20:00.000+08:00

boo hoo.

exams are like a few weeks or should i say days away only. ask me what i've been doing? nothing. waste my time. sleep.slack and the list goes on. i did everything except to study. how pro. hurhur. i dont know why but every single thing seem wrong now. i've lost the enthusiasm to come school and study. i've lost the feel for everything. i seem to forget how to appreciate each day like i've never before. each day is like a torture for me and now i'm playing with the thought of not coming school. haha. and things in school arent exactly going the way it used to be. it feels waaay stranger now. there's just smtg missing but i cant figure out what exactly.

been talking to laopo alot.i love her loads.remember our deal hor, if we arent married by 40, we'll marry each other. haha. then we talked abt some issues and stuff and came out with something like equations. small boys= sweethearts. boys/guys= * fill in the blank* man=princes/knight. old man=chikopek. how true can that be. i think small boys are the most sincerest thing on earth and they mean what they say and do what they mean unlike guys. sheesh.speaking of which, i miss my childhood.i miss my childhood friends. i miss being young and naive. i miss not knowing what pain was. i miss not bothering abt the things they do. i miss not knowing that love could be such a pain. somehow i wish that they are doing just fine. i wish i could turn back time. i WANNA turn back time, to a time i was loving my life. woo. if only people hadnt change.

woo. i've got a sudden craving for chocolates and ice blends(:

can you forgive me again? i dont know what i said but i know i didnt mean to hurt you. i heard the words come out. i'd give anything to kill those words for you.

somehow, i'll make you see how happy u made me.

2006-09-17T10:52:00.000+08:00

woohoo.

INTERACTION DAY was super fun and despite some minor problem that aroused at the last minute, according to most people it was a success. phew.haha. i really hoped that every single one of them who attended enjoyed themselves and learn atleast something at the end of the day. gazzillion thanks to those who had helped me especially those logistics who stayed very late to set up the stations, those two guys who were helping to tie the water bombs, and everyone else who made it a success in one way or another. special thanks to aisya,su, fawwaz for turning up. and also not forgetting the excos who have helped me through- athifah,aqeel, chris,ho yin,hyder, kela, russell,sinlek, steffi. and also my dear spastic girlfrien, marie for coming to help on fri, and coming up with a way to test their confidence.ohs also my partner, ikh and mr soh for all those u know.so, many many thanks(:

sadly, i got sun burn and i lost my voice during the process.

woo.i'm at the peak.

love,
sarah

2006-09-14T22:50:00.000+08:00

it has been 28490183085 years since i updated. just some quick updates.

i'm super busy with many things which are constantly occupying my mind like exam plus result,sec one interaction, o levels, me, him, her, them, you.see how much things that runs through my brain? sheesh. when will i ever give that brain of mine a break oso i aint sure. haha. thousands of apologies to those whom i've didnt reply ur calls and sms-es. for some personal reasons, i wunt reply unless its really necessary.

as you can see, i'm keeping my mind superly occupied with sch stuffs to forget a certain past but sadly, without fail, you will just occupy my brain and if that is not good enough, i see you in my dreams every night. sighs. i miss those stairway times. hurhur. i miss everything abt you. sheesh. sometimes i wonder why is it so hard to forget that particular phase of the past. why is it that i've never felt this way before. i've never bothered abt missing anyone until now. i've come to realise that ur existence in my life has created a super deep impact on me. now that u're gone, it makes everything seem wrong. if only i could turn back time. i wished i was more patient. i wished i was giving you all my attention. i wished i was never affected by what u said and did. i wished i could take back my words. i wished i hadnt taken so much time to try and make things right. i wish that things can start afresh. i wish that u'd say u'd love me too. i wish i still mean the world to you ):

sigh. i'm gonna live my life with a regret that i wont be able to forget. those memories are just hard to erase. if only u'd give me another chance and make things right all over again.

love,
sarah

i can be your hero, baby

2006-09-06T22:25:00.000+08:00

tmr meeting bettar turn out right. do you know the troubles i had to face just to finalise and re-type everything and set the time. i think i can just die of heart attack this instance thinking of everything. mr *** , if you are gonna make me amend any part of my proposal again, i'm seriously gonna wham, bam, kick, get people to gang bang you alr. its so dsihasjhfjhauo irritating la. i've to like accomodate and compromise with these two guys. this one cannot. that time cannot. i thought this. and the list of rants from them continues. sheesh. being a girl can be pretty much of a disadvantage.i cant wait to get it over and done with. i'm gonna jump off the building if this plan doesnt go right. so, if those of you who hates me and wants me to be bettar off dead, feel free to ruin it. big deal. the most i jump, then haunt you only. no big deal. haha. ohs. someone please please please remind me to settle lunch a.s.a.p. i dont want my poor sec ones and scs to be starving on that day. haha.must forever remind me hor.

smiles.

i want to walk on a rainbow with colours of love that make me smile(:

2006-09-05T02:37:00.000+08:00

hoho.

i've come to realise that all these ignoring game is bringing us or atleast me nowhere.other than the fact that it's taking a toll on me and that its slowly killing me. talk abt silent killer ehs. so, if one day, you hear me have a heart attack or suddenly die of a suddden cause, you'll know who to find.haha. as you can see, i'm quite a stubborn girl, once i set my heart to smtg, it would be kinda hard to talk me out of it. that is why whenever i try to unset it, its kinda hard. maybe all i need is just a little patience with myself. so, i should atleast try and listen to those advices and put an end to everything. i've realised the consequences of my decision. it has not only made an impact on myself, but also those around, especially those besties who cant stand the sight of me being emotionally tormented. whatever that affects me, affects them, as much as what affects thems,too affects me. its like a cycle.a rollercoaster of emotions. but i sincerely feel that i should thank each and everyone of them who've been there for me, been so patient with me, been there for hear me rant the most irrelevant things that you can ever think of and many more despite everything that has happen. from the bottom of my heart, i'm so grateful and thankfulfor having each and everyone of your existence in my life. THANKS! if it aint for them, i might possibly end up like some losers in the streets. haha. for now, i aint one, and shant be one. i'll achieve what i've always wanted. i shall regain back my strength with or without you. whatever choice that you make, it shant affect me. or atleast for now. i will be the strong happiest girl ever lived once again. however, i know it aint gonna be easy. but i shall try. i shall learn to live with it. if they can do it, so can i.

smiles.

you're all that i've ever wanted

2006-09-02T12:55:00.000+08:00

heyy. i wont be home till very late and when i say say late, its really late . like the nxt morning. so, obviously it would mean that i'm kinda busy. so here's an apology for ignoring those people's calls and sms-es. i aint ignoriing anyone aite? btw, i cant really sms, so too bad luh. i cant reply. haha.

life's been pretty hectic and chaotic that i aint sure of myself what exactly is going on. i miss him so much alr that i'm willing to trade anything in the world just to spent 5 minutes to see and talk to him. sigh. sigh. i really dont know what with the cold shoulder/treatment the past few days. its like so sudden. we were of talking terms and of all of a sudden, all those ignoring and whatever nonsense that comes along with it. is it too much to ask for? am i asking for the impossible?hurhur. never in my entire life that i want something so badly that i'm willing to do anything just to get what i want.

2006-08-27T16:05:00.000+08:00

sigh. sometimes. i wonder.everything that happen do serve a purpose in my life, dont they? all the things that i've to go through are suppose to make me stronger right? but why isit that that when i think that i'm going and moving on stronger, there's always things that will always prove me wrong. i wonder, how long more can i hold on. if i were to ever run away and disappear, would anyone even bother to care and find me?would you be worried and always fear for me just like i always do? it may seem being easy to be me, but actual fact, it isnt. i hate AUGUST. i hate everything that been going on this month. there's nothing to look forward when all my hopes and strength are gone.i wanted to be there for you, but i dont thnk u'd ever want me to. as hard as i try, everything seems wrong. i LONG to be that HAPPIEST GIRL EVER LIVED once again.

i know i can't run to you again
cause you would only run away
i guess there's nothing i can do
to make you stay
you said that you would never leave
a lie you told and i believed
and now you wanna go
and throw this all away
so what is happening here
it's exactly as i feared
its just the same

will you wipe my tears and hold me tight?

2006-08-25T18:10:00.000+08:00

sighs. i'm hurted. and i officially hate those four fckers/morons who were at tampines mac. sighs.sighs. maybe i should go for some plastic surgery and change the way i look so i shant look small and childish. but then again,it aint my fault that i look small. anyway, i 'm completely fine with the way i look but some morons had to just cross the limit. i'm fine with friendly jokes. but when it get way sensitive and goes overboard, i cant just let it pass. on a lighter note, i've fallen in love with that lighted bear which i saw at metro. I WANT THE PINK BEAR. its super cool and cute luh. press the hand and its will light up with colourful pretty colours. i WANT the BEAR. haha. how sweet would it be if someone were to get them JUST for me ((: i'll love you infinites.promise.

stupid shyts. just because i look small to you that doesnt give you the authority to bully and insult me right. fcker. i didnt even do anything and didnt even bother about you guys and youu had to disturb me. morons,just you wait. bettar make sure you dont run into me again cause this time, i'm gonna insult/humiliate you guys million times worst than what you did to me. You shud be grateful that i was too tired to entertain your nonsense to make a din out of it. your teachers and parents never teach you manners ar? wanna try to correct me, correct yourselves first la fcker. think u so big ? only wear short pants think very big ar? some big shot. and please la. and my skirt aint short if u compare mine with a million other girls out there. fcker.complain so much. why not you buy for me skirt la. talk so much.

to those moron fckers who had no life,BETTAR pray hard that you dont run into me again or i'll make sure i'll make your lifes a living hell and i'll never let it go. the nxt time i see your ugly faces, i'm gonna slap your face.dont say i never warn you. i swear, i will.

hey boy.i'd wish i could take back my words. i am really sorry if i'd had hurt you in one way or another or in million ways. i really am. i knw its my fault that it turns out this way. now that i'm trying to undo and redo, please dont turn ur back on me. but what i know that i'd still love you no matter what happens.i'll be there and waiting for you. i've never forgotten those promises i've made. i wish u dont too. momo, i love you.

if only you'll let me know the truth.

2006-08-23T21:16:00.000+08:00

whee. i love today for alot of reasons but still, its alot today. i'm proud of myself today. i did quite a number of stuffs which i nvr would have thought i had the confidence in doing. i've gotten back my strength.

lets see, the response frm the sec ones were very motivating. haha. i thnk me and ikhwan can be ambassadors for sports capt. hurhur. whatever.

during one of the matches someone got injured. thank goodness it wasnt so bad. haha. i was the first aider. wasnt really confident of myself but the presence of a certain made me motivated to be confident of myself. haha.

woohoo. i feel so much bettar letting out everything. so nw all i need is an answer. haha. lets hope for the best.

lalalala

GET WELL SOON, ANNOP! ((:

you'll always be my strength((:

love.
sarah

2006-08-21T19:32:00.000+08:00

woohoo. i think i'm so screwed. please please please please pray that i dont screw the events. haha. and please pray that i just dont collapse from mental exhaustion.sheesh. this is crazy. if one day u see me out of my mind, you'll know why.whee. the pressure is building up.and. CHRIS! u cheated my feelings. haha. the mr president aint gonna see us do it so everything shall go back to square ones. haha. no more stories to tell our grandchildren. how sad. i dont really mind. btw. just to let you know, i might be M.I.A from this cyberspehere.hurhur. wish me good luck. ((:

hey. dont you ever notice or realise that i need you and still love you. ): you still havent answered me infact i'm still waiting. please dont disappoint me. till then, i shall keep my hopes flying high.

boy,lets start afresh

2006-08-18T16:05:00.000+08:00

been quite busy lately with sch stuff and all. a maths was a gone-er. haha. i'm so retarded. there was a qn printed at the back of the paper and yet, i didnt flip the page and take a look until the very end when we had to hand it. sheesh. haha.other than that, schools quite ok. ohs.ohs, i knw smth which only me, chris and the teachers knw. hurhur. wasted. planned to cheat everyone's feeling but sadly, being nice, we shant do that. our lips are sealed.((;

btw,both my knees hurts like cows/ dogs/ donkeys.haha. all thanks to lit dramatization. ran ran ran and *pheeeeew* plop. i skidded across the class. damn pain la. haha. i've realised that i'm accident- prone. forever having injuries here and there. if not a bruise then some alien wounds.hence, i got unglam knees for the time being):

boy, it pains me hearing and knowing such stuffs. it hurts even more when we walk past each other as if we were invinsible,ignoring one another. are we going to keep on continuing doing this? when will shall we end this game?is this what we really want? what happened to all those little promises we made with each other?

have all those love turned to hatred?
seeing you happy, makes me happy too. it puts a smile in my heart.

2006-08-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

today was crazy. i had stomach ache since morning until now and its super painful that i feel like fainting. maybe its because i ate smtg that i'm allergic too. gosh. i hate the pill. havent been eating the medicines since eons ago. cant be bothered. its as if gonna make me bettar. haha. yay. i aint that emo today. whee. i felt so much bettar letting all the emotions and stories and whatever-nots outs.

played some catch-me-if-you-can game with marie. haha. wasted. if not for the cameras in the canteen and the ppl mopping the floor, i would have jumped on the table and caught her. haha. it would be super babaric and unglam then. but was fun la.

waited for mr forever late. haha. sheesh. he's never early. set off for tuition.for the first time in my entire life, he made me break my sqeaky clean record of being punctual.arrived the centre ard 8. sheesh. daddy picked me up and *poof* i'm here. gonna sleep early today thanks to my irri stomach pains. blow aaway the pain. dont wanna be dying in sch tmr. (;

i will be fine(:

2006-08-15T22:33:00.000+08:00

In my daughter's eyes
I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and theworld is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future a reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

thanks russ((:

for you i will

2006-08-14T20:59:00.000+08:00

here's a part of conversation which i should bear in mind ((:
+ jus protecting says:
i never gave u up b4, wats more urself
+ jus protecting says:
kor will carry u up if u fall
+ jus protecting says:
piggyback u wen u cant move anymore
+ jus protecting says:
as long as sarah is still breathing
+ jus protecting says:
its my motivation to push u on
+ jus protecting says:
to lend u support
+ jus protecting says:
i wipe off ur tears
+ jus protecting says:
let time heal
+ jus protecting says:
take ur time
+ jus protecting says:
but pls dun stop trying and giving up
.
.
.

+ jus protecting says:
u are not alone dear one

therefore,
i need to be strong.

i have to be strong.

i shall be strong.

if not for myself, at least for the people who bothers and cares abt me ((:
i am not alone.
i will summon the pieces of courage left in me and be strong. i wont give up myself as long as they dont. i will be the strong girl that i used to be. today shall be the last time you'll ever see me in such pathetic state. i wont be miserable anymore. i'll try and achieve it. like what lao po said, if i cant let go, then i'll have to learn doing without . i shall learn. just give me time. i'll be fine.

special thanks to those who've been there for me today((:
i'm feeling bettar. thanks laopo;ying, alvin;kor,marie, russ,and the rest.but still, greatly appreciated

no matter what happens, i'll still be waiting

2006-08-13T20:53:00.000+08:00

according to murtaza tan kuku, my most of the posts seems emo. haha.crazy.aint really that emo. haha. maybe its because its emo week i suppose.
actually, i've been feeling a lil down in the dumps lately. dont worry , hyder- atok, i am far worst than u.

i somehow hate myself. i dont like being this way.i hate faking smiles everyday . i hate pretending and lying to myself that i am okay and evrything's is fine but actual fact, its not. i miss those days when i was the happiest girl in the whole wide world in ur arms. why must i always be the one pretending? i dont understand what exactly did i do to deserve this. have you ever realised that u're the only one that can make me smile when no one could? u're the only reason that i look forward to seeing the next day. now that u're gone, i dont have a reason to look forwrd to anything. if only i could turn back time. if only i hadnt left for camp, maybe things wouldnt have turn out this way. maybe its retribution on my part for not listening to my mum. she didnt allow me to attend it in the first place. sigh. i'm left with so much regret. i've thought it over and over, time and again, i realised that i still love you. nothing u or i or anyone else can do to change that fact. sigh.

do i still stand a place in your heart?
fallacy of life ):

2006-08-13T14:03:00.000+08:00

dont give up on me

2006-08-13T02:16:00.000+08:00

not fair. i was just this close to watching the fireworks then the irri traffic jams had to ruin everything. i could only hear the loud booms and bangs of the fireworks.sad ryt? haha. then, i couldnt stand being stuck in the car, me and my sis, we ran all the way to millenia park, since it was the nearest place, in a quest to catch a glimpse of it. haha. and we did! was pretty but such a waste. only a glimspe of it. and i was told that it was a beauty. unfairness. sheesh.

dropped by at this candy empire shop. it was like wow la. so many glam sweets and chocolates. haha. i'm sorry. kinda slow. i fell in love with that place instantly. and daddy was being nice just now. he willingly allowed us to buy whatever we wanted.((: i've got 5 bars of chocolate and 8 packets of sweets. i'm a happy girl.

hey boy, i miss you

wait for me.i'll be there before you know it

2006-08-11T17:50:00.000+08:00

sigh.i dont understand myself.for some weird reasons,flashbacks and memories of you kept on flooding my mind. it couldnt have come at a more perfect timing which was when i thought i was moving on. and when it came back, it really struck me hard.no matter what excuses and reasons i gave myself to forget you, there is just this something about you that makes me unable to let you go. i miss everything about you, how sweet you used to be, alll those times.hmm. i tried to ask myself what exactly is that thing that is making me holding back, as hard as i tried i just could not get that answer that i am looking for. someday, i wish to find the answer im looking for. maybe its a little too late. however, i hope you're happier now.

somewhere over the rainbow i wish our paths would cross again.till then,i'll be waiting for that day.i dont wish to lose you .i really do.

i've never forgotten all those little promises. i'm still holding on to them.

2006-08-10T23:12:00.000+08:00

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tight
Everything it felt so right
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong

Now I can't breathe
No I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see those tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright for once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together but so broken up inside

Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see those tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Just seeing you it kills me now
Now I don't cry
On the outside... anymore

Here I am
Once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see those tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

behind these hazel eyes-kelly clarkson

2006-08-10T13:57:00.000+08:00

whee.caught the fireworks at some random place with my cousins.it has been quite some time since we last went out together.sadly, my dear/beloved sabrina REFUSES to come along just because she feels lazy and she's sacrificing her day just to watch jasmine tye's performance. ergh. some people just dont appreciate personal invitations ryt. i even bothered to call call persuade persuade but still, she remained stone hearted. how sad. i never felt so rejected.hurhur.

yay! fireworks of my life!pretty glam.haha.hw i wish someone sweet and nice would spent his fortune just to make me personalised fireworks just for me. *smiles* haha. then we set off to changi beach. the aunties brought along some mini picnic.dinnered first then went to play swings and see saw. hehe. i lone swings. we played for quite some time. it was super fun la relieving those childhood days. yay! i can swing super high ((:
got tired of playing all that we gathered in a circle and played randam kuku games. then everytime we saw an oncoming airplane, everybody would guess which airline its from. the winner gets to choose the nxt game. haha. so random. basically we spent the entire night playing random games.lotsa laughter and screams. bade goodbye to each other ard midnight.went home and crashed into my bed after washing up.

we'll meet again when our cars collide

2006-08-09T12:13:00.000+08:00

i have come to realise that i like the feeling of not being attached . i aint a gf material thats for sure. the reason being is i dont like being tied down and having so much restrictions which can make me bore to tears easily. i get restless easily so i'll rebel. yst made me realise that i have all the time in the world which means that i cud spent the morning playing bb with some sch ppl then travel to bugis, walked to marina, shopped there stone at wallet shop, got to tampines, meet some friends go out with family and alot alot luh. i i have got ntg against bgr. actually its nice and sweet seeing couples together. haha. but me being me, i like things my way and dont like to forever compromising with someone just to make him happy.I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
life's a bitch ((:

dont need to be in someone's arm to look good

2006-08-09T11:40:00.000+08:00

hmm. yesterday was tiring but fun for me if you minus all the WAITING sessions thatnks to some people.the telematch, in my opinion, was a success.had fun despite being the crowd controller and stuff. oh ya. my class won the third place. congrats u guys. see i knew you could do it. the happy expression of the many teachers and students made me realise that in such events, they can really bond closer. its the first time that i see teachers being superly extraordinarily enthusiastic about their class. it was heartfelt satisfying.and those people at the dj booth were great. got lotsa potential. UNLEASH YOUR POWERS!
went out with a friend.walked from bugis all the to marina .wanted to watch my super ex girlfriend but decided not to since all the movie screening was quite late.so went to shopping bought quite alot of stuff at marina. haha. thanks ADIK for being so nice and patient and being my decision maker. hehe. after that. went tampines. waited for dinah for a VERY long time. lala-ed at mac. then decided to go tm while waiting for her grand arrival. saw quite alot of temasekians.saw some shameless people along the way. asked me to treat them ice blended. so me being a nice girl treated them. haha. then not long, dinah came. called ifah. asked her to come down. we walked ard and lala-ed. hehe. had to go home alr. then mummy wanted to watch fireworks . watched the fireworks. haha. so pretty. had dinner with the family at some restaurant. nice food. ate like a pig. i love oats prawn((: went home. too tired. then crashed into my bed and slept like a princess .

2006-08-07T18:52:00.000+08:00

idiot. today was suppose to be a lala/hyper/mental day for me but some IDIOT had to spoil it. sheesh. for some random reasons, i was super hyper since morning.first lesson was mt. was quite ok.half the time was listening to fatin's story. haha. i think by the end of the semester, my brain is gonna get polluted. hurhur. then mayhs. got back maths test. whee. i passed. yay. for some alien-ly reasons i've been passing my maths tests but failing bio.hurhur.chme lesson was so-so. ntg fun except spent the whole time tryiong to complete the preparation of salts ws.gee. i think i'm gonna flink flank flunk chem. i'm hopeless. hurhur. some drama was going on in the canteen during our recess. haha. personally i feel its degrading. hah. just some random tots. i was at the brink of dying from heat plus mental exhaustion during bio. the same goes for ss. sheesh. the lessons were all so dry. given the fact that i get restless very easily, i wasnt totally focusing. went off to lala-ing abt some stuffs. i've come to realise that i tend to think alot now which includes everything under the sun.sadly, i dont have all the answers. someday, i wanna find all the answers. btw, i almost died choking on my apple while going up for class all thanks to mr S. think funfair isit.hehe. waited for dinah after is. walked ard here and there. she called, we went off with another friend. then tooked ten and 293 together. saya sayang mereka ((:

someday, i wish that people will stay true to themselves

2006-08-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

when insanity got the bettar of me ((:

2006-08-04T14:44:00.000+08:00

whee. i love fridays. and tuesdays too((: lalalala. i'm hypering. lol. bio and maths test wasnt that tough. can complete. hopefully i can score. yupyup. ' must aim for the sky so atleast if we fall, we'll fall on the clouds'- quoted by my tuition teacher. haha. i think its true. so from now on, i'll aim for the sky! yay. for some random reasons,i cant wait for next week. hurhur.

hmm. i dont know and infact i dont understand how on earth did things go this ugly. i swear i never had any grudges on you. yea. no hard feelings. somehow i just felt the cold treatment is getting worst. i've tried my best to to erase the hate away. sadly, i dont thnk i can hold on anymore. you just had to add salt on my wound and make everything worst. why didnt you just come clean abt everything? morever, you made me see your true colours. people change for the bettar but not you.

shyt all those lies. i wish i never knew you.

2006-08-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

what did i do to ever deserve this?

the shallow you(:

2006-08-01T21:52:00.000+08:00

mr enemy tried to blackmail me AGAIN today. however his plan was got backfired cause apparently the upper sec ppple are not interested in what he claimed very entertaining video clips. phew. saved.i love the upper sec for saving my life. i thought i almost died when i was told abt the screening of the video clips. haha. now, i aint afraid of being blackmailed. whee. so we shall remain sworn enemies for life. how fun. life would only be about bitching and sarcasm.big deal. the most i die of heart attack only. haha.big deal.the faster the bettar.so i can haunt him for the rest of his life for making me vomit blood all the time ((:
after school, went BROADWAY with kela and marie for lunched. then bought ice creams.ate them under some random block near 7-11 there. they lala-ed for quite sometime.haha. pigs. then kela was tired and sleepy so she decided to go hme while me and marie made our way back. planned to study but was distracted by the NDP rehearsal and stuff.
oh.oh. i officially declare that we have like the most UNGENTLEMAN guys. played slap-scissors/paper/stone and some kuku random slap game which i still dont understand with hyder,marie,harris,ridwan and some other guys.sorry. i cant remember ur names(''.) t first thought, i didnt think that it would be that painful.however, after the second round, they proved me wrong. it was super painful that i can just faint right that moment. so barbaric and not gentleman luh. dont give me chance one. whacked my hand super hard. even i dont get whacked that painful at home. so after all that whacking, i can now conclude that i have man-ly hands now. it looks so abused and bruised that i almost fell into depression staring at them. however i thnk harris and ridwan got it even worst. they played continuously and violently for almost 35 mins. haha. guys.

i've pushed myself as far as i can go.

2006-07-31T18:27:00.000+08:00

hmm.today is such a lala day. everything seemed to be slow paced/unentertaining/unenthusiastic and so on. one achievement though. i didnt fall asleep at all. however, i was like partially awake. my soul went wandering to some lala palace-y.nevertheless, my body was still present in the classroom. the day went on uneventful other than the fact that i just felt disgusted at some point in time. and ohs. marie made a deal with me after i told her about some personal decision of mine .so that means that one year from today which would be 31/07/2007, if she loses the deal, she's gonna give me a SUPER BIG BIG bear. haha. if i were you, i'd start saving up now. i'm pretty sure and confident that i'll win the deal. i've seem to lost faith in it so it would be almost impossible to make me start everything afresh and have faith in it again.but its a good thing tthough. i wont be emotionally tormented. afterall i'm a stingy/selfish girl. yay. i am gonna win the deal ((:unless you try very hard enough to find that prince/knight of mine.haha.till then, happy finding. but i were you, as i said earlier,i wouldnt waste my time and just start saving up for that BIG BIG BEAR.i'll be waiting for that bear. after school, intended to study but oh well, i spent the whole time stoning/talking/watching the soccer matches going on in the field. small boys.cutesy :)) since i was so unmotivated to study so decided to go hme. i ten-ed with my adik a.k.a murtaza. exchanged mp3. i have his now. i'm gonna destroy it cause i am so jealous that he gets to update his song lists every now and then but i cant. anyone nice who has a samsung cable can lend me?pretty please? i'll love you for life if you do. <33

when my hero comes along and take me away.

my love.

2006-07-30T21:21:00.000+08:00

I would like to dedicate this post to LIM HAN YING.

Lao po,
thanks for everything. listening to me rant, whine, complain about everything under the sky. i still could remember the first words i spoke to. that was about footdrill. haha. now, u're the one reminding me and pointing me out. from that day, that small tiny conversation blossomed into a friendship that i never once doubted or regretted making.you were there whenever i needed you despite all the troubles and pains i caused you. you showed me the true meaning of friendship and life.if it hadnt been for you, i wouldnt know or even be sure of who i am today. because of you, i am stronger today. because of your advices and little promises, i am more positive of life. you made me see that life is not so bad afterall. you were there when i was at the rock bottom and also at the highest peak in my life. i am blessed for having you in my life. i'll cherish all those times we had. thanks for always being there for me and loving me. i'll be here for you too. i promise.

I LOVE YOU (:

that perception of yours.

2006-07-30T18:20:00.000+08:00

you thought that i never knew what was going on.actual fact, i do know about everything beforehand. u thought i'm too naive to believe ur words. i'm sorry. i am not what u think i am. In fact u have always been blinded by ur emotions that u dont seem to care about other people other than urself. did you even try and bother to reflect? i had enough of it.everything would not have happened if u hadnt started it. you saw it coming but u continued pretending that it didnt matter.you cant blame me. neither am i blaming you. but still, u didnt have to pretend. neither did u have to ignore my presence. do you really think i'm that emotionally weak? ohs.dont try to underestimate me. for all you know, i might be ten times stronger than u know it.